The Day That Officially Broke Me

January 20, 2024

This was the day that finally made me feel everything I had been trying to stuff down.

It was my oldest cousin’s wedding, and it was beautiful. What made it ugly was my mother.

We all got litty titty before the wedding. My sister, my father, my mother, and me. My dad and I could handle alcohol better, in my opinion, but my mom showed up wearing a white, or as she called it, “cream” dress.

Right then, I knew trouble was coming.

She talked during the vows. She kept drinking. Then she fell onto a table.

That was when I got pissed.

This day was supposed to be about my cousin and her mom, my aunt. My aunt had bone cancer, which was understandably fucking up everyone involved. But somehow, my mom still had to become the center of attention.

Once she fell on the table, I said, “Nope. Time to go.”

There was no more choice for anyone in the matter.

My youngest cousin, her husband, my sister, and I helped get her out. On the car ride home, she screamed at all of us, and it continued once we got back to the house.

I still have the recording. I listened to it while writing this because I wanted to make sure I remembered it correctly.

My dad was yelling about how nobody could get the fuck out of the past. My mom was saying she was ready to die. Eddie, my first fur baby, was barking and trying to protect her. He may have even been biting at me, but he knew my mom needed backup against all of us.

Then God got brought into it.

My mom started saying that none of us understood because her sister was dying. That was when my sister stepped in and reminded her that she had been there when I overdosed, when neither of my parents could be found.

She knew exactly what it felt like to almost lose a sister.

My mom claimed she had been there because she was the one who called 911. She said she saved me.

Maybe she did call. Maybe that call saved my life.

But that doesn’t mean she was there.

I always thought my dad would come to the hospital no matter what.

He didn’t.

My sister did.

My sister, who had spent her whole life trying to be more than just my sister. She tried to be a mother figure, a protector, and a friend.

In the recording, my sister yelled, “They brought her back to life!”

My dad said, “I was ready to go to the hospital. You said no. We’ll go tomorrow.”

Then my mother said that my dad had told her, “If she wants to live like a piece of shit, she can die like one.”

I still don’t know whether he really said it.

But hearing it hurt either way.

That was when I stood up and screamed:

“SHUT THE FUCK UP. I almost died. You weren’t there, and you weren’t there. Who cares? I almost died. Y’all don’t give a fuck.”